I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
