I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
