I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
