I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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