Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm going to jail i love you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
