my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
