I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
