I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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