Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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