If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
