if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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