yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
