We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
