A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This is the high leading the old right now
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
