Porn is love you can see.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
