before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
