I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
