Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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