someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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