Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
