he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i've created a new STD.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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