I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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