He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
