I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yo dont text me then not text me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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