The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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