Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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