I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
