Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
