Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
