Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
