On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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