i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
