yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
