I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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