The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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