Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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