I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
