You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
