I think im going to throw up on grandma
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
