Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
