Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
