What tipped you off? The sombrero?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
