I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
