I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
