6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You're like the curious george of whores
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
