You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
