I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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