so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
