I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
