He uses pillows to masturbate.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
