my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Randomize
