he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
