Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
