i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
