I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
there is glitter all over my balls
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