god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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