It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
